#162 In which our hero discusses his goddamn toe.
Had a massive gout attack Sunday night.
This seems to happen once a year, and as far as I can tell it just happens. There doesn’t seem to be a common trigger event, like say, I ate a huge amount of tripe the day before. I don’t drink as much water on the weekends as I do during the week, so that probably has something to do with it.
Anyway, if you don’t have gout (and count your lucky stars if you don’t) then you can appreciate just how much it hurts. And it’s stupid pain… I mean, if I broke my arm and it hurt this much then yeah, okay, I understand why it hurts so much. But this is just my big toe saying, “Guess what, asshole? You haven’t paid much attention to me in about nine months and I’m starting to feel a little neglected, so here’s a big fuck you from the south!”
I have a bunion on the big toe of my right foot, and Saturday evening it was hurting me a little. This isn’t uncommon, that dumb toe hurts me on and off all the time. But this was a little more than usual, and I even commented to The Scientist. “Is it your gout?” she asked. And I said, “No, I don’t think so. It’s a different kind of pain.” I had spent a fair amount of time on the floor rolling around with the girls, so I figured I just bent it a little too far or something.
But just to be safe, I took my gout meds anyway. Turns out that it was a gout attack, and as far as I can tell, my meds didn’t do dick.
About 11pm, it was clear that this was a full-bore attack. My toe was red and hot to the touch, and throbbed like a son of a bitch. There was no sleeping, so I went downstairs, elevated it, pounded water and watched dumb TV for a couple of hours. I finally crawled back into bed around 2pm and slept as best I could.
I called off work the next day, which just feels like the lamest thing ever. “I can’t come into work because my big toe hurts.” But, I’ve been through this before and I know how it goes down: if I can tough it out through the first 48 hours, then things get a lot better. Drink lots of water, stay up on my meds and stay off of my bad toe.
So now I’m back at work, gimping around like an old man. My toe feels marginally better. The sucky thing is that I know that it will still be a couple days before the pain is completely gone. And since I’m walking funny, it usually stains other muscles in my leg, which gives me a gimp for another week.
And, being that I was planning on a bunch of walking this coming weekend, this is a big fuck you from my toe, indeed. Thank you big wonky toe! Message received!