#007 In which our hero makes a wifecentric list.

Ten Reasons That My Wife is the Perfect Wife for Me.

10. She knows all the words to the opening narration of "The Odd Couple."

9. She doesn't get mad when I grope her boobs in my sleep.

8. I can reference Sleestack, Apache Chief, Jabber Jaw, and Lidsville and she knows what I'm talking about. (Well, maybe not Lidsville).

7. Adam Sandler.

6. You know the part in "The Royal Tenenbaums" near the end - right before the car crash - when the priest gets pushed down a staircase? My wife and I were the only ones in the theater that laughed. And we laughed hard.

5. Like me, she knows that farting is always funny. And that baby farts are HILARIOUS.

4. She'll argue with me tooth and nail about the implausibility of John Connor sending his own father back in time to sleep with his mother while casually accepting time travel, killer cyborgs and a bleak future world controlled by evil computers.

3. She has performed self-damaging naked acrobatics for me.

2. She makes me laugh. All the time.

1. She - undoubtedly against her better judgment - not only agreed to have sex with me but gave me the most beautiful, gassy, chubby baby ever to puke down the front of my shirt.