Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#021 In which our hero embraces his geekitude.

At work yesterday a co-worker said to me, "I am SO excited about the new Spiderman movie!"

Now, if you're a comic book geek like me, you know this is dangerous ground. Even though it appears that comics are chic right now what with a new comic book movie coming out every six months, it can all change in an instant. I remember when I has eight and everyone was playing superheroes (I always wanted to be someone odd, like The Vision) and then BAM! The next week everyone wants to play football. FOOTBALL! Can Roger Staubach make himself intangible and walk through walls? Can he increase his density to that of diamond, making himself virtually indestructible? No and no! I was horrified.

I'm waiting for this comic geek bubble to burst. I really thought that terrible abortion of a movie, The Hulk, would do it. The point is, the comic book geek still cannot live free, he must hide his obsession least he be ridiculed and mocked.

So you can see how I was reluctant to show my true colors about the new Spiderman movie. I mean, I could say how I thought the first one was amazing (no pun intended) and Sam Raimi did a kick-ass job. I could explain how I was, however, a little disappointed that they made Peter's web-shooters organic, and how that was actually James Cameron's idea when he was still attached to the movie. You see, by making them part of his body, you lose the "oh no! I've run out of web fluid" opportunity for disaster that occurred in every fifth book. But, I could continue, other than that little foible, the movie perfectly captured the feeling of Spiderman, even down to certain iconic body positions and movements. Cautiously, I answered noncommittally:
ME: So you're looking forward to seeing it, huh?
HER: Oh yeah! Spiderman is my favorite superhero!
More danger. If she truly has a "favorite" superhero, that means she might actually read comic books. And being that we geeks need to stay together, I might have to extend an olive branch to her. Which I'm not keen on doing since A) I don't need to be overheard talking comics at work, and B) she's fucking nuts.

So I tried another approach:
ME: Do you mean Spiderman is your favorite hero, or Toby McGuire is?
HER: No! I don't care about Toby whatshisname. Spiderman is my favorite. The first movie rocked! Doc Ock looks so cool!
Eh, now what? It's not actor puppy love, but she might have developed this attitude strictly from the first movie, not the comics. But she seems to have knowledge of the villain, Doctor Octopus. What to do? Fortunately, her next comments revealed all.
HER: I never read the comic books or anything, but my brothers did.
Ah ha! Just another comic book pretender! Well, it was clear that I needent waste my breath giving my opinion on the new Spiderman movie. She would never learn my fear that there seems to be a lot going on from the trailer: Mary Jane marring another! Peter Parker walking away from being a hero! Harry Osborn plotting revenge! And Doc Ock! How cool does HE look? His tentacles look PERFECT! And you have to wonder if they're using the traditional Doc Ock origin story, or maybe using John Bryne's revisionist version, circa 1992; or maybe a combination of both... either of which would work, really, since it seems well established now that Doc Ock has a mental link with his metal tentacles and it doesn't really matter if that only works while he's wearing them or if he can exert control over them at a distance like he did when...


The new movie looks really cool, I think I'm seeing it this weekend.

I am SO excited!


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