Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#011 In which our hero writes a letter to his daughter

Dear Lily,

As I write this, you are a wonderful six-month-old baby. Your mother and I love you very much, even though we do wish you'd sleep through the night a little more often. When I look at you I'm amazed that I helped make sure a bright-eyed, smiling, happy little girl. Your mom says you look like me, but I don't really see it. But you do have her red hair, which is cool.

I'm trying to imagine the life you'll have... you literally have countless opportunities before you. Will you be a doctor? A lawyer? A movie star? Will you work in advertising, like your dad? Or will you be a scientist, like your mom? Maybe you'll be a teacher like my dad, or a nurse like my mom. With so much opportunity and life in front of you, I'd just like to say one thing:

I hope I don't fuck it up.

I mean, I'm trying to be a good father, and so far I think I'm doing a really good job. Then again, at 6-months, as long as I don't accidentally put you in the oven or drop you down the stairs, it's easy to be a parent. My biggest fear is that you being a sweet baby now means you'll be a surly teenager later.

As you mother can tell you, I'm really not good with having to repeat myself or having people blow me off. I'm afraid teenagers - by definition - tend to blow off their parents and need things repeated to them. This could be a challenge.

And I don't even know how to tackle the big issues - sex, drugs, work, cars... I know all of these things will be critically important to you some day, and probably much sooner than I'd like. All I can say, honey, is that I'm learning how to do this job as we go along... you might have to cut me some slack.

So to sum up: I love you, stay in school, don't do drugs, boys are stinky, get a job, listen to what I say, listen to what I say the first time, sorry I'm sometimes an asshole, and I love you again.

Your Dad


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