PORN SCORN

I’ve been getting the best porn spam lately. Since I have a Yahoo! account, I’m usually inundated with unwanted email, but their spam filters do a good job of keeping it out of sight. But every now and again I scroll through my “bulk mail” folder so see what’s there. And it’s been quite the treasure chest. I’m kept some of the best to share with you, because I love you that much.

Now, they’re all horrible misspelled to get past the spam filters (which they don’t -- good job, Yahoo!) and if you actually open up the message it’s the same boring “click here to visit our site” crap… but the subject lines are fantastic!

Delectable Gaay doing grandiose suckiing.

Wow, a “delectable” gay? And not just doing a run of the mill blowjob either, a “grandiose” one. Very impressive!

Youngest fascinating Sluts fuckeed by oldman.

Not just your average Sluts (why the capital “S”? Did this become a proper noun at some point?) but fascinating ones! Because I think the target audience for this message is really looking for a sparkling conversationalist.

Do you like well-favored Eighteen doing pulchritudinous blowjob?

“Pulchritude” is defined as “physical comeliness; beauty.” Don’t worry, I had to look it up, too. I find it really funny that some spammer somewhere broke open his thesaurus and randomly picked a synonym for pretty. I imagine a 75-year-old Oxford Humanities professor somewhere looking down at his rented date and saying, “Young lady, I wish to thank you for what was well and truly a pulchritudinous blowjob.”

Graceful Eighteens suckingg oldman cock!

I’ve come across (ha-ha) this reference to “oldman” several times, like it’s a new category of humanity. “Men, women, children and oldmen.” Or maybe it’s really Gary Oldman staring in their videos?

Have you ever seen glorious Ladies get fuccked in every holes?

Hmm… can’t say that I have. I mean, I’ve seen average ladies get fucked in every hole, of course, but not glorious ladies.

Esthetic Lady doing radiant bloowjob!

A radiant blowjob?! Awesome!

Do you like adorable Teenie doing gorgeous blowjobb?

How was your blowjob?
Eh, okay. How was yours?
Gorgeous!

All right, I’ve probably really screwed up the search engines now. For all of your pervs that came here looking for gorgeous and radiant blowjobs -- sorry, I can only offer you words. But I do hope you find them pulchritudinous.