BREW STEW

Here’s why I hate getting coffee at McDonalds.

McDonalds’ Employee: Can I help you?
ME: Let me have the number four, to go, please.
McE: Coffee to drink?
ME: Yes, please.
McE: Cream and sugar?
ME: Just sugar.
McE: How many sugars do you need?
ME: Um… ten.
McE: Ten?
ME: Yeah.
McE: In the small?
ME: Yes.
McE: Oh, because most people don’t want us to put that… many… in their coffee.

At this point I almost give my stock answer, which is “yeah, I like my coffee to taste like candy” or I consider quoting True Romance, “I’m not happy unless the spoon sticks straight up!” but I figure it would be wasted on this frumpy woman behind the counter; and it crosses my mind to say that we wouldn’t even be having this conversation but some dumbass McDonalds executive decided that sugar needed to be removed from the condiment station and kept behind the counter like a controlled substance, away from criminals like me, which is sorta a weak argument considering I did ask for TEN packets of sugar for a small cup of coffee so instead I weakly reply, “un-huh.”

Sadly, as I drove to work, drinking my coffee, all I could think was that it could probably use one more sugar.

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