Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#025 In which our hero fears for his wife's life.

My daughter's evil plan to kill my wife is nearly complete.

I know this because The Scientist's will broke audibly this morning, her moans of "I can't take any more of this. I can't take it!" woke me from my own restless slumber. After several hours of keeping The Scientist awake from roughly midnight to 2am, our little she-devil finally fell off to sleep. However, her devious plan is so finely tuned that my wife was not able to fall asleep. I suspect that the little girl's random awakenings have The Scientist so keyed up that sleep is elusive, at best. It wasn't until around 4:30am that my wife was able to finally close her eyes and drift away.

It was then that our little girl, the cherubic baby with an infectious giggle and wicked intent, delivered her masterstroke.

She got up.

Actually pulled herself up and stood at the side of the crib, no doubt waiting a minute or two to savor the deliciously evil moment, and started to cry. And here, I really have to admire her tactics. If she was simply inconsolable, The Scientist would give her a bottle, or better yet, a boob, and if that failed, might finally be moved to wake up my sorry ass and make the tag.

But the little demon is far too clever for that.

She plays quietly and peacefully - as long as you're on the floor with her. And, she even rubs her eyes and otherwise makes motions that she's ready to go back to sleep. However, as soon as she is dumped in the crib she starts to cry again. This went on for an hour or more before, exasperated, my wife cried out and I took over.

Now, my daughters murderous plans for me are not nearly so far along, so when I took her downstairs she just played nicely. She even lulled me into a sense of fatherly joy as I spun her around and made her giggle. This, undoubtedly, will be my final undoing.

And, if anyone doubts the horrific machinations of my progeny, I present photographic evidence taken by my brother-in-law over the Fourth of July weekend when she thought no-one was watching:

"Rejoice at the coming of the Dark Lord!"

Next time I think I'm mixing her formula with holy water. I'll show that little spanker who's boss!


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