#130 In which our hero covets a bowl.

I like fast food. I don’t love it, and The Scientist and I probably only eat out (fast food or otherwise) maybe once every other week. But I occasionally fall victim to some fast food item that steals my soul.

About 10 years ago Taco Bell had a summer-only special that was basically a giant vat of cheesy bean dip surrounded by chips. I must have eaten that molten pool of death a hundred times over the summer. When it went away I was very sad.

Arby’s may just be my favorite fast food joint of all time. The Scientists contends that their “beef” is a processed gel made up mostly of “eyeballs and assholes” (in her own elegant words). But y’know what? I don’t care because them eyeballs and assholes is good eatin’. Anyway, they used to run a “5 for $5” deal in which you could get five roast beef sandwiches for five bucks. Who cares if you are full on #3, pushing it on #4 and ready to puke halfway through #5? It’s only $5! Sadly, they don’t run that special any longer.

I mention this only because I recently saw something that has all the earmarks of consuming my life: the KFC Bowl!

Now, I’m not really sure what this thing is called, officially. On their website it looks like it’s just “KFC Famous Bowls” so I dunno. But, needless to say, the moment I saw the commercial I was hooked. The Scientist even remarked, “Did they make that thing just for you?”

So I went to KFC today for lunch.

On the menu board it’s listed as the “Mashed Potato Bowl,” which really seems to shortchange the chicken and corn. But I guess the marketing guys thought the “3AM Food After You’ve Been Drinking All Night Bowl” hit a little too close to home.

The foundation of this amazing construction is mashed potatoes, as you might have guessed. Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that I am a huge sucker for KFC mashed potatoes and gravy. It’s the gravy, of course, that really sells it. I LOVE it! I’ve heard that it’s made from the gunk at the bottom of the fryers, but frankly, you could tell me it’s made from mashed baby toes and I wouldn’t care -- it’s that good. So, anything covered in that gravy would go down easy for me.

Over the mashed potatoes is a layer of corn, then a layer of bite-sized fried chicken hunks, then the gravy, then a sprinkling of cheese. The cheese seems a little overkill to me, it’s almost like the test kitchen guys where saying, “This is pretty good, but how can we make sure that people’s hearts explode right in the parking lot?” Right! Cheese!

So I ordered the combo meal (which is the bowl plus a drink) and sat down to enjoy. Ah, sweet anticipation!

And honestly, I’m underwhelmed. I mean, yeah, it’s good, and I like all the elements, but together they don’t create the heavenly goulash I was hoping for. And, at five and a half bucks, it seems kinda small. I guess you’re paying for the extra labor involved with putting it all together.

Would I order it again? Yeah, probably I will. Will it overtake my life like some other fast food items have? Nah.

Now, if only Taco Bell would bring back that bean dip swimming pool I’d be set for the summer.