#146 In which our hero covets his neighbor.

I’m starting to hate my neighbor at work. Well, not hate really… but rather, envy. He’s way too nice of a guy to hate. He came over last week to make sure his music wasn’t too loud… how can you hate someone so considerate?

He’s a quiet guy, really laid back. Doesn’t seem to have that “Hey! I want to be the center of attention!” personality that you often see in the advertising world. But the guy is constantly the center of attention! There’s always someone in his office, and they’re just chatting. Matter of fact, I just walked by a second ago and the hot intern was in there. Dammit! I want to be that guy!

The thing is, I’m shy. Those of you who know me probably don’t think so, but it’s true. Just ask The Scientist. More than once she’s complained that I don’t really engage others in group settings, at least, not when I don’t know anyone. And that’s true… if I don’t have something reasonably intelligent to say, I generally keep my mouth shut. I’m not good at small talk, really. I try, but it usually doesn’t get past the “Oh, so you two work together? That’s nice.” stage. I like to believe that once I get to know someone better, even a little better, then I open up. Well… not really open up, because I’m not one to share my personal life with anyone except really close friends (of which I have probably four, not counting The Scientist) but rather just become more animated. This has led to some people confiding to The Scientist that they find her husband “intimidating.” And honestly I’d rather be called “intimidating” than “boring” or “annoying” or “seems like a nice guy but would not shut the fuck up.”

And being that I am aware of this, I have tried to overcome it. I mean, I love working at this agency, and I want people to feel like they can stop by any time and chat. Once upon a time, I wanted co-workers to be intimidated by me, especially the account services staff. I’d huff and puff and bluster at the merest hint of confrontation or inconvenience on my part. But those days are past. Being laid off several times has taught me how fragile the working environment can be, and that I should really respect and appreciate everyone involved, especially the clients. I’ve taken these lessons to heart, and really hope that The Powers That Be no longer feel the need to beat this hubris out of me. Happy to be working! All smiles here! Let’s not have any more firings, okay?

But, as I’ve said, I’m just not good at the small talk stuff. I have trouble just walking into someone’s office who I don’t know very well and chatting. I’d like to, but I can’t. Or at least, I can’t without it quickly turning into an awkward situation. “Um, Craig, was there something you wanted?”

This was, in part, why I bought the sofa. I thought people might come and hang out just to, y’know, enjoy the luxury seating. But that has not come to pass. Now, my neighbor has been here for several years, so maybe I’m just jumping the gun. Perhaps I should wait until I’ve been here for more than four months before I start bitching about how I don’t have any friends at work, boo-hoo-hoo. Hmm… maybe instead of a sofa I should have bought a massage chair; that would have pulled ‘em in!

I just passed by and my neighbor has three people in there! And he only have one chair! And NO sofas! Dammit!