Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#181 In which our hero seriously considers the benefits of adjusting his humours.

Clearly, something is out of whack with my body. First, I couldn’t shake my cough; then I started to feel run down; then I started to feel better; then last night I couldn’t sleep due to the sinus pain in my nugget.

There was a time when I proudly declared to people, “I never get sick!” And it was true. Winter came and other than a sniffle or two, my constitution was rock solid. But now? Suddenly my immune system has gone from fearless protector in shining armor to a scared 12-year-old in ripped bluejeans. (It took me five minutes to come up with that analogy. I was trying to think of something weak and unable to fight off infection, and all I could come up with was a preemie baby. And that’s just wrong.)

So finally, after two weeks of hacking, I scheduled a doctor’s appointment. And of course, two days before the appointment, I started feeling better. I walked into his office with nary a care. We talked about symptoms for a bit, and how they had all resolved on their own, and that was it. No drugs needed. This was last Thursday.

Than, after nearly a week of imagined good health, I had a bad night last night. I woke up with my jaw aching. It felt like I had a dozen cavities in my molars. I was convinced that there was something wrong with my teeth. I got up at 2am and flossed. I’m not sure what my sleepy brain thought that would accomplish.

I tried to get back to sleep, but the throbbing pain showed no sign of subsiding. Eventually I came to my senses enough to recognize that it was a sinus infection (blowing a sizable wad of green gunk out of my head may have helped me come to this diagnosis). After an hour or so I just gave up and went downstairs to watch television.

And today is flu shot day at the agency. The Scientist is against flu shots for some reason, and because of this I haven’t had one in a couple years. However, last year I got really, really sick with the flu and, you know, fuck that if I can avoid it. So my arm has been injected with dead viruses that are supposed to help me get through this winter with minimal intestinal emergencies… here’s hoping they work. And my doctor was goodly enough to call in an antibiotic prescription, too.

But tomorrow is the blood drive in my building. I’m not clear on if I’m allowed to donate so soon after a flu shot. However, if I am allowed, I’ve no doubt that the removal of a small volume of my blood will be enough to allow the viruses in my system to get a foothold and stage a bloody rebellion that puts me in the hospital.

I have blood and phlegm covered. Maybe I just need more yellow bile and black bile in my system.


Anonymous Ron said...

"then last night I couldn’t sleep due to the sinus pain in my nugget"

What...what exactly is your nugget? Please tell me it's your head.

Your friend,
Ron Bon Jovi

2:16 PM

Blogger craig said...

Of COURSE it's my head. Which right now, thanks to the flu shot and my sinus thingee, feels like it's going to fall off my shoulders.

2:57 PM


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