Two things of note happened today: I voted in what may be the most important presidential election of my generation; and my cat puked on me. Knowing you, my audience, as well as I do, I’ll relate that incident that is more interesting to you.
It was 12:30am. I was sleeping, and the cat was sleeping on my head, as usual. Now, when I say “sleeping on my head,” he wasn’t really on top of my head. Rather, he likes to sleep at the top of my pillow, close to the wall. This benefits both of us. He keeps the bald spot on the top of my head warm and, presumably, the heat radiating from my skull keeps him warm. So, y’know, win-win.
Now, we have a couple of rules, this cat and I. He get two trips around… he likes to jump up on the foot of the bed, walk completely around my perimeter, then settle down on the pillow. He does this twice, then we’re okay. But if he goes for three, he gets chucked off my bed, because that’s annoying.
Sometimes, he licks my face in the middle of the night. He gets the brush off once, then if he comes back for me he gets tossed. Nothing is more alarming that getting an unexpected and uninvited lick.
Note to self: holy crap, you sound like crazy cat guy.
Anyway, the cat (“Ash,” if you’re wondering) obeyed all the rules and was sleeping and purring peacefully, as was I (sleeping at least, I don’t purr in my sleep that I know of). And he’s the kicker: if he had started to choke up a hairball, I would have woken up and got him away from the bed. But no, there was no warning noise, just a sudden BLARGH! and my neck and shoulder is covered in cat puke.
I jump up, of course. “Goddammit!” The Scientist jolts up, saying “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?”
I strip off my shirt and toss it in the hamper. Next is the pillow case, and the one blanket he managed to tag. The puke itself was mostly water, but holy lord did it stink. Enough that I took the foul load straight to the washer downstairs and started a load.
The rest of the night was uneventful, and I woke up with the perpetrator purring contentedly on my pillow, like nothing ever happened.