#050 In which our hero hates his state.

Dear Ohio,

You suck.

As I have been a member of this glorious state for all of my 35 years, I think I have the credentials to say this. I was born in a tiny little Ohio burg, lived in the state capitol for more than a decade, and now live in Cleveland (probably the most widely-known, if not widely-respected, city of Ohio).

Here's the thing, I can deal with the fact that Bush took Ohio... I'm not really surprised. I'm glad the margin was as close as it was, that still gives me a little hope. (Oh, and if Kerry really thinks that those provisional ballots are going to change anything, he's seriously deluding himself). No, what pisses me off is that you passed Issue #1 - and by 61% just to show you weren't kidding. FYI, here's the language of the bill:

"Only a union between one man and one woman may be a marriage valid in or recognized by this state and its political subdivisions. This state and its political subdivisions shall not create or recognize a legal status for relationships of unmarried individuals that intends to approximate the design, qualities, significance or effect of marriage."

This steaming turd will now be added to our state's constitution, assuring now and forever, that the sanctity of marriage in Ohio is protected.

The thing is, I fail to see how gay marriage presented any threat to the holy institution of marriage in the first place. However, if the addition of this amendment suddenly sends Ohio divorce rates plummeting, I'll shut up. No, really, I will.

When I was 16, I went with my high school class to Spain. On the way over, I happened to sit next to a pilot from another country, somewhere in the Middle East. He was a very nice man, and tolerated my dumb questions. Funny, how if I were sitting next to a middle-eastern man in uniform today, my attitude would be very different. Anyway, at one point he asked me where I was from, and I told him "Ohio."

"Ohio?" He said, thinking about it for a moment. "A lot of corn," he finally replied. Obviously that's all he knew about my home state. I wanted to rail against him, tell him that there was much more to Ohio than just corn. But, after yesterday's election day, I wonder if he was right. Ohio has a lot of corn; a lot of rednecks; a lot of knee-jerk reactionists that point to their Bible as final proof of the legitimacy of their actions without pausing for even the slightest moment to consider that such a bill might have ramifications beyond the obvious sound-bite.

Issue #1 doesn't really affect me in any direct fashion... I'm married in the traditional sense, so no lawmaker is going to come after my health insurance. I'm not a business-owner offering domestic-partner benefits who will suddenly be forced to stop. I'm not even that fanatical about gay rights. But, what does affect me is the look people give me when I tell them I'm from Ohio. Many immediately assume I'm some sort of backwater hick, wearing shoes only because I was forced to for the length of my business trip. And yesterday's results will just reinforce that notion.

So once again: good work, Ohio. You're an asshole.