Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#058 In which our hero gets wood.

Last weekend I moved all of our worldly possessions into our new house. It was exhausting. Matter of fact, the past seven days have been physically and mentally exhausting in every way... I'll give you the entire lowdown later, but I just don't have the strength to write it all down now.

Until then, here's something odd I want to share. The new house has a wood-burning fireplace. I love real wood fires and am completed stoked (stoked, get it?!) about it. Sunday night -- after the major moving had been completed, the storage locker cleaned out and all the crap moved from the garage inside the house so that the cars could actually fit -- I found myself at the store. Since the entire kitchen was still packed up, I decided to buy something prepared instead of trying to cook. And while I was perusing the fried chicken counter, I noticed a display of pre-packaged firewood. The lure of a cracklin' fire was too great, and I bought two bags. (Personal to Jeff: I couldn't wait!)

Now, I'm in advertising, so I understand the importance of marketing your products. But this was the most elaborately packaged wood I have ever seen in my life. I didn't really look at it until I got home, but once I did...

The bag had instructions on the side. Instructions! And this wasn't one of those Dura-logs where you have to light the outside wrapping or jump through some other unintuitive hoops... this was a BAG OF WOOD. And it was packaged in clear plastic, so it's not like you needed to figure out what it contained. It contained about 10 pieces of wood. Not only did it have instructions, it had TWO SETS of instructions... one for outdoor/campfire use, one for inside/fireplace use. Maybe it's just me, but if you need instructions on how to use wood, perhaps you shouldn't be trying to start a fire.

But... ridiculousness aside, I did admire their packaging. I think it's entirely wasted, of course... I mean, how often to you develop brand loyalty to wood? And how often do you have more than one choice of bagged wood at your local grocery store? That being said, if I had a choice, I think I would have chosen this particular bag of wood, it's that good.

First of all, it's called "Hotsticks," which is a fantastic name. And it says right on the front that it's "100% premium kiln-dried hardwood!" And that it's "USDA Certified!" I'm not sure what that means, though... certified wood? And finally, it's "Bug-free!" Which is pretty much a good selling point for anything you bring into the house.

It made a nice fire. Of course, those two bags of wood probably were the cost of 1/5 of buying an entire cord. Oh well...

UPDATE! They have a website, can you believe it? My favorite part may be the "Why buy Hotsticks?" section, which includes a top-10 list of reasons to buy their wood in a bag. #10 is "Long lasting romances have begun in front of a crackling fire..."

Buy Hotsticks, get laid! Marketing genius, I tell you!


Post a Comment

<< Home