Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#084 In which our hero is whines some more.

I have this reoccurring fantasy. In it, I respond to a job posting for a copywriter, get an interview, and get hired -- all in the span of two weeks! This is a fantasy because previous experience has shown that it never happens this way.

Some personal examples:
  • When I was laid off a couple of years ago, I got a call from the creative director at a respected advertising agency in downtown Cleveland. Naturally, this was very exciting for me. She had heard through the grapevine that I was available, and wanted to talk to me. So I go in, have a good interview... then never hear from her again. Seriously. My follow-up phone calls were never returned, my email was never answered, I think I even sent a real letter in the mail, which garnered no response. I mean, lady, you called me. If you're not interested or think I won't fit in, fine, but be professional enough to let me know. Just blowing me off isn't an acceptable response.
  • About a week before my most recent lay off, I got a call from a HR person at a national furniture manufacturer, headquartered in Cleveland. She said they were looking for a copywriter and had found my resume on, and was I interested? Naturally, I was. I sent her my resume, and completed a writing test (which I hate, but understand). Then... nothing. A week goes by, and I follow up with a phone call, leave a message on voice mail... and more nothing. Another week goes by, and now I'm unemployed, and suddenly much more motivated to land this job. I go through the switchboard and actually get this HR person on the phone. She sounds shocked that I actually reached her. She assures me that I'm still in consideration, and that she'll call as soon as something happens. So another week goes by, and I'm pretty sure that they hired someone else by now. But, I get an email from her asking me to complete another writing test. Which I do. That was two weeks ago, and I've heard nothing since.
  • The day I was fired from the agency, I got a call from a recruiting trying to fill a copywriter position in Akron. It was for an agency that I had heard of, and knew they did good work. I was actually in the VP's office, being handed my walking papers when she left a message on my voice mail. Now, I also know from past experience that all recruiters are liars. They get paid when they put people into jobs. It's in their best interest to throw as many resumes as possible at their clients, and hope one sticks. So when a recruiter tells me something like, "I think you're going to be a great fit at this company!" I take it with a grain of salt. And even though I try very hard not to get excited about things like this, inevitably I do. I mean, how great would it be to get a new job offer on the very day I got fired?
  • It was karma! Kismet! Fate!

    Well, naturally, it didn't pan out, the recruiter told me that the agency didn't think I would be a "good fit."

  • Probably the strangest thing to happen since I was fired was the out-of-the-blue call from a small direct mail agency. However, not just any direct mail agency, but the same junk mail agency that contacted me months ago! But now, the arrogant ass that interviewed me (and gave me a free lunch) has left the company. The boss is trying to fill the void.
  • Now, if you read the old post about when I first met this guy, it was full of disdain for what they do. Junk mail... oh, pish-posh, I am every so not interested in that. Well, suddenly, with a baby on the way any minute now and me out of a job, I am totally interested in the position.

    So I meet with the guy, he looks at my samples (which are decidedly junk-mail free) and gives me a writing test. Thankfully, it's not of the "write a display ad for a pencil" variety, but something for a real client. I do it, send it to him. He emails me back, says he enjoyed meeting me, wants to bring me back in, blah, blah, blah. It's been two weeks since I've heard from him.

  • While I'm searching for jobs, I come across the Web site for a local agency. Now, last time I was out of work I actually interviewed with the creative director. There was no job at the time, I knew that going in, but he was nice enough to meet with me, look over my samples, and give me a little evaluation. This all went extremely well. He liked me, loved my samples, and was very enthusiastic. But, since there was no job available, there wasn't much he could do for me. Now, three years later, I'm out of work again. I check their Web site to see if the creative director was the same. It was. Very exciting for me... I already have an in with this guy. And even more exciting, when I look at their Web site it says plainly that, "Right now, we are actively interviewing for the following positions: Copywriter, Art Director, Account Executive..." So it says right there, in the #1 spot, that they need a copywriter! It won't just be me sending my resume blind, they need what I'm offering. But, I send it, I follow up, leave voice mails, blah, blah, blah... and, of course, hear nothing. Now, the obvious answer is "they aren't interested in you." Well, maybe, but the thing is, I look really good on paper. That should be enough to get me in for an interview. AND, I've already met with the CD, and he liked my stuff then. If they're really looking for copywriters, they will want to look at me. Or not.
  • And finally, yesterday I applied for a job as "Web Copywriter." This just means writing for Web sites, something I've done many times in the past. Frankly, I don't think there's much of a difference in writing for print or Web or whatever, but I'm sure that's not what they want to hear. I'm sure in their minds (since their agency only does Web/interactive stuff) writing for the World Wide Web is a unique, rarified skill that few possess. Shrug... we'll see how it goes.

    Anyway, half an hour after I email the guy my resume, he emails me back, saying he'd like to meet with me. Now, any time I get quick response like this, it fills me with hope. Maybe this is the one, the unique rarified employer that has posted a job that he actually needs to fill right away! He tells me he's available tomorrow or the next day. I email him back, say I can meet with him tomorrow, just tell me when.

    And then I wait. And wait. And wait.

    He doesn't email me back. Now, here's the thing: he doesn't know I'm out of work. For all he knows, I have to juggle a tight work schedule to make time to meet with him during the day (as he has requested).

    The next day comes, and still on response. I call at 9:30am, leave a message. Finally, he emails me at 11:30am, and says, "I'm available at 4:30 tomorrow." This burns my ass to no end. First you told me that you'd like to meet today, and I was all ready to make that happen, then you tell me not until tomorrow. Not even a "sorry I couldn't meet today like I said, I had to have my anus bleached" or whatever.

    So now, I'm meeting with this guy tomorrow. And what do I expect? More of the same. He'll look through my portfolio without really reading any of it, he'll shake my hand, promise to get back to me soon... then never call again.

Fucking ad guys.


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