Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#076 In which our hero cleans up his act.

I like to swear. I've fought this for some time, told myself that I don't need to swear, that I mostly just swear for effect, often comedic effect. And while there is no denying that this is true, it's also true that I just enjoy it.

As a word guy, I sometimes chide myself for not being more clever. When I'm surprised by something terrible (the dog crapping on the floor, stepping in cat puke, the little girl eating fire, whatever) I should let loose with a "Jesus tap-dancing Christ!" or "By the Hoary Host of Hoggoth" (a little extra for us comic geeks, that one) or "Well, slap my ass and call me Sally!" But no, generally I resort to the ole' standby: fuck.

I love to say fuck. Many others have waxed prosaic on fuck's perfect ability to work as adverb, adjective and even noun, so I won't. But it's nearly the perfect fucking word, y'know?

I don't think I've called Tucker anything but "that fucking dog" for at least a month now. I go to work every morning to my "fucking job," I constantly shoo "my fucking cat" away from the door, and last night's fried chicken dinner made "a big fucking mess" in the kitchen. The last one was pretty gratuitous, I'll admit.

While "fuck" is probably my #1 favorite, I also enjoy "cocksucker" a lot. That word is always used in regard to other people, no surprise there. Mostly in traffic. "Motherfucker" is right up there too. Usually said like this: "Muh-ther-FUCKER!"

A couple of years ago The Scientist and I gave up swearing for Lent. I don't really remember why now, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. And we really did nearly excise profanity from our speech entirely. For a time. And we felt really superior and did a lot of "we don't have to swear to express ourselves" back-slapping. But, we lost our way and again swear like sailors.

But... that has to change.

Yesterday, the little girl and I were doing something, and I let fly an "Ah, fuck!" And my beautiful, delightful, innocent little daughter immediately said, "eh, f-ha!" Not a clear "fuck," but she was definitely heading down that road.

Now I need to clean up my language. And I'll be the first to admit that I'm much worse than the wife. But with the dog pissing on the carpeting on a daily basis, it becomes all the more challenging to properly express our level of frustration without referring to him as a "cocksucking motherfucker."

But I'll fuckin' try.


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