ABUSE REDUCE

Last week we had a parents’ meeting at our daycare. While I appreciate the concept of these things, the reality is always boring. I mean, The Scientist and I are not really the kind of people who “network,” and that seems to be one of the big reasons to have these things, so parents can make play dates or what-not. Also, I find the idea of having most of these people in my home to be mildly revolting.

There’s also food, and usually a speaker. So far, the speakers have all been trying to sell something, like organic cleaning products or vitamins or the like. Being that they all smell vaguely of Amway, so The Scientist and I are not interested.

And in the past, the food has sucked. We end up paying $5/head to get a lukewarm slice of pizza. However, this time our daycare provider mentioned the magic word that kept me from blowing this thing off altogether: Chipotle.

Oh, how I love their burritos. This is one of the restaurants to which I have no resistance (Arthur Treachers is the other). It takes a serious act of will to avoid these places. So, when I heard that there would be Chipotle burritos at the parents’ meeting, I was all in.

Since I work in Akron, it’s a bit of a haul for me to get there. I was late, and came in after the speaker had already begun. Fortunately, this speaker wasn’t trying to sell us anything. Unfortunately, he was from Child & Family Services, and he was talking about abuse.

Okay… there is nothing funny about child abuse. It’s a deadly serious subject. In fact, The Scientist had to get up and leave at one point because she can’t stand to hear about the various ways in which this guy had seen children abused. No laughs there.

Except...

Okay, maybe it’s because I have the mentality of a 12-year-old, but the word “buttocks” is funny. Every time. And I get it that this guy works in a field in which clear, concise descriptions of body parts are critical… but still. Buttocks is funny. And this guy probably says “buttocks” as part of his daily job, but man, I do not. So hearing it again and again was funny. To add to the inappropriate humor, the guy seemed to avoid the word “penis” in favor of “pee-pee.” I mean, come on! Pee-pee? Jesus, guy, if you’re going to say “buttocks” (hee hee) then commit to the entire anatomy! Penis! Vagina! Breastages!

Ultimately, what the guy had to say was very important, of course. And as far as speakers go, he was the least boring yet. At the end, I asked him if he enjoyed his job, being that it sounded like a soul-crushing nightmare job to me. He said he did, and good for him, because it’s nothing I could ever do.

Thank God there are people like him out there keeping our pee-pees safe.