CAPE SHAPE, part I.
Mark your calendars for July 26, 2007. That’s when Who Wants to be a Superhero, season 2 premiers.
I am, of course, psyched!
Last season never let me down with the unfailing onslaught of cheesy nonsense, created and ring-led by Stan "The Man" Lee. I expect season 2 to do the same, and then some. Oh, Stan Lee, you bat-shit crazy old man, how I love you!
I seriously considered trying out for season two, but I never really got past the origin story stage. And it really seems like you have to go to a cattle-call to grab the producer’s attention. So who knows… maybe next time.
Let’s take a look at this season’s heroes!
NAME: The Defuser
SUPER POWERS: Gadgeteer; enhanced physical abilities, night vision.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (He looks like a cop, and who’s going to argue with that?)
COMMENTS: Nice package of powers that make sense together. Refuses to use firearms and fights drug dealers… Stan’s gotta love that!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 25% (he looks serious… a little too series. Unless he turns out to be a huge geek, Stan is going to pass him over for a more established resident of geektown.)
NAME: Ms. Limelight
SUPER POWERS: Can emulate powers of action movie stars.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (fringe? No thank you)
COMMENTS: “Vulnerability: She has very sensitive legs: if someone tells her to ‘break a leg,’ it really breaks!” WTF? I’d call her origin story really stupid, but it’s very similar to Feedback’s from last season, and we know how it turned out for him!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 5% (Her power sounds dumb and, again, fringe?)
SUPER POWERS: Martial artist; “can turn his own sweat into a weapon” (WTF?); can manipulate his own chi and that of others.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 3 (nicely put together; but with those tights, I’m a little afraid that I’m going to see more than I want.
COMMENTS: Love his nemesis (Komodo, a lizardman bent on becoming the world’s greatest fighter), but his vulnerability is profuse sweating? Yuck.
CHANCE OF WINNING: 35% (tough call on this guy… he’ll either go pretty far, or get on everyone’s nerves and burn out in the first couple episodes.)
SUPER POWERS: Master of the whip, can turn her foes to dust.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (I dig the cowboy influence and, again, nice bod doesn’t hurt)
COMMENTS: I’ll give this lady huge points is she can really do tricks with her whip. Her vulnerability is asthma? Come on…
CHANCE OF WINNING: 10% (A little too series, and Stan has long held a dislike for heroes who use weapons.)
SUPER POWERS: Telekinesis; danger sense.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 3 (4 if that light on his chest actually works)
COMMENTS: “Nemesis: Sigmus, a Galactic Starlord from Mindset’s future.” Awesome! “Catch phrase: For the future!” Double awesome!!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 75% (he has the geek-cred in spades and really went for it, costume-wise. I think this guy is smart money.)
SUPER POWERS: Communicates with insects and small animals, can tell how any object was created; turns trash into robots.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (0-5): 4 (lots of skin, and the body to pull it off)
COMMENTS: Flakey artist-type, Odd hodge-podge of powers. On the plus side: nice bode and not afraid to show it off!
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that she’s going to be so consumed with telling the other heroes about how you can turn trash into treasure, “Like I do with my art work” that she’ll break character and be out in the first four shows.)
NAME: Mr. Mitzvah
SUPER POWERS: Flight, night vision, super-strength, enhanced senses AND a magic Star of David ping-pong paddle!
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (it’s working for me, and the white hair pulls it all together)
COMMENTS: Unlikely that someone so ethnic will win, but Stan is a Jew himself, so who knows?
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (The ethnic thing. Do you know what religion Superman is? How about Captain America? No? Exactly.)
SUPER POWERS: Shape shifter (so far so good); braids act as tentacles to snare foes (okaaay); rainbow eyelids take digital photos (huh?); superior sense of small (um, sure); transforms into Braid with Prism Stone (what now?).
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (I get the concept, but still think it looks dumb)
COMMENTS: Her power is lost if you cut her braids… that’s a cool Stan Lee-esque vulnerability.
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (She’s probably get further than she should, but there’s no getting around the fact that she has Rainbow Brite hair).
SUPER POWERS: Gains super strength, limited invulnerability, flight and more from his “Armaguard,” an ancient Atlantian gauntlet.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (dude, lift some weights)
COMMENTS: Love the origin story and nemesis. And the catch phrase, “Rock on!” Because he uses magical rocks for power, get it? Stan will.
CHANCE OF WINNING: 40% (My dark horse to win. He looks like a geek, and I bet he talks and acts like a geek, too.)
SUPER POWERS: Uses weapons created from cleaning tools.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 1 (as if I needed another reason not to like this hero, her costume is stupid)
COMMENTS: Ugh, a gimmicky hero, ala “Cell Phone Girl” from last season.
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero. (Stan likes cheesy, but this is too stupid even for him. That said… Fat Momma got into the finals last time, so we’ll see.)
General comments: I’ve based my who will win opinions strictly on costume and publicity shots; we’ll see how much that changes after the first episode.
Also, again based on appearances, these contestants have learned something from season one. Namely, if you are a woman and you have a decent body, show it off. And, street hockey gear makes good armor.
Here’s hoping they took note of the fact that they need to be superheroes ALL THE TIME. Stan Lee is watching your every movement, and it’s not going to fly if you break character, even for a moment.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this season won’t be as obviously orchestrated as last season. And, of course, I pray that it will be just as chock-full of dumbass stunts as season one. Excelsior!