Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#102 In which our hero wants some stuff.

Have you seen this new iPod Nano? Holy shit... I want one. It's tiny! Small like a deck of cards. No, smaller! Like a pack of matches! Well, bigger than that... but anyway, it's really small. AND. It holds 1000 songs. You have to understand, I'm not crazy music guy, so 1000 songs is basically a lifetime supply of songs for me. And apparently it also stores photos and does your taxes, too, or some shit.

But here's the odd part: Honestly, I have no need for an iPod. I don't even have the regular non-tiny version. I have a Walkman somewhere in the basement, and I never use that. Actually, I pretty much only listen to music in the car... and the radio is just fine for that purpose. So why do I want one of these damn things? I DON'T KNOW. It's just super cool.

This iPod thing has put me to thinking about my desires. And, oh yeah, I got a lot of desires. And more often than not, they are for dumb things that I neither need nor really have a use for. Some examples:

I want this. For you non-clickin' lazy bastards, it's a solid copper mixing bowl from Williams-Sonoma. (Funny aside: when I was looking for an imagine of this bowl I typed in "copper bowel" in their site search engine. Sadly, they no longer carry copper bowels.) So why do I want this bowl? Because I've heard that if you whip cream in a copper bowl it makes it fluffier. And believe it or not, but I love whipping my own whipped cream. Honestly! I think it's just about the coolest cooking stunt I know... taking a bowl full of cream and a little bit of sugar and turning it into this light, sweet, fluffy treat. I've done this on several occasions when we've had people over... I suspect that the general consensus is that no-one thinks it's as cool as I do. But maybe they would if I had a great big copper bowl! No? Rats.

Other things I have wanted in the past, for no good reason:
  • All seven seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation
  • Paper drink umbrellas
  • Bandsaw
  • Rock tumbler
  • The complete works of Wm. Shakespeare
  • Fame
  • Tablesaw
  • Silk boxers
  • Monkey
  • Nunchucks
  • Fantastic Four Vol. 1, #1
  • Radar detector
  • Straightjacket
  • Flash Gordon on DVD
  • An acting career
This is, of course, just a partial list.

Some of these things I actually did receive, and was disappointed (like silk boxers... ugh, too slidey).

Well, I guess I'd better get back to work if I want to maintain something else that tops this list: steady employment.


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