Skrip - tyur' - i - ent: adj. Possessing the violent desire to write.


#192 In which our hero puts something smaller than his elbow into his ear; a practice of which his mother would not approve.

Y’know that douchebag who’s always walking around with his iPod, his queer “ear buds” jammed in his head like he’s trying to drown out the voices? Can’t even get up and go to the bathroom without making sure he has 600+ songs right at his fingertips? The guy you have to practically slug in the arm to get him to notice you when you walk into his office?

I have become that douchebag.

Man, I love my new iPod Shuffle. It is truly the awesome. I would play with it all day long if I could. But that’s the problem… I can’t listen to music while I write. I just can’t do it. I find it too distracting; I’m trying to write a sentence about the benefits of some new diaper and all I can hear is The Vapors telling me they’re turning Japanese. So I don’t listen to it when I’m working.

So instead, I listen to it at Every. Other. Opportunity. For the first few days I had it clipped to my shirt, ear buds in place, even if I wasn’t actively listening to it at the moment. This would look silly expect that everyone at the agency has an iPod already (maybe not the ultra-super-cool Shuffle, like me, but they have one) so I’m a johnny-come-lately. But I’ve stopped that; it wasn’t productive, and it made my ears hurt. Guess I need to build up some ear calluses before I can really enjoy this thing to the fullest.

And iTunes! Holy shit! How have I lived 38 years without iTunes?! I’m been pulling songs off my CDs as fast as I can… but there’s plenty of stuff that I only owned on tape (or, ulp, vinyl) that I’ve been rediscovering. I had a buddy in high school who made me dozens of punk/alternative mix tapes, and I’ve been going through those (at least, the one I still have) and pulling songs from iTunes. It has been an amazing trip down memory lane. How amazing? you ask? Let me give you a sample of the current contents of my Shuffle:

The Metro (Berlin)
Mexican Radio (Wall of Voodoo)
Dum Dum (Butthole Surfers)
Sunglasses at Night (Corey Hart)
99 Red Ballons (Nina)
Punk Rock Girl (The Dead Milkmen)
Come on Eileen (Dexy’s Midnight Runners)
Supernaut (1000 Homo DJs)
Life in a Northern Town (the Dream Academy)
Relax (Frankie Goes to Hollywood)
I Sit on Acid (Lords of Acid)
Jesus Built My Hotrod (Ministry)
Sex on Wheelz (My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult)
Flash (Queen)
Institutionalized (Suicidal Tendencies)
The Queen and the Soldier (Suzanne Vega)
Ana Ng (They Might Be Giants)

And that’s just old stuff! What’s new? you ask? Well, let me tell you!

Right Through You (Alanis Morissette)
Sk8er Boi (Avril Lavigne)
I Will Survive (Cake)
Zombie (Cranberries)
Lose Yourself (Eminem)
Inside Out (Eve 6)
Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day)
The Beautiful People (Marilyn Manson)
Popular (Nada Surf)
Hey Baby (No Doubt)
Hey Ya! (OutKast)
Get the Party Started (P!nk)
Closing Time (Semisonic)
What I Got (Sublime)

And much, much more! I’ve got six hours of music, and the damn thing isn’t even halfway full! I am fully in the iPod cult. I’m even considering putting an Apple sticker (thoughtfully included in my Shuffle packaging) on the back of my car. Seriously.

My iPod turned me into a douchebag. Steve Jobs, if you’re reading, feel free to use that as your new tagline.


Blogger Lil Kate said...

I just ordered MY new Shuffle not an hour ago!!! The little matchbook sized one! I could almost pee myself because it's coming on MONDAY. That's the real reason I'm coming to work Monday. Count me in on the iCult.

5:22 PM

Anonymous Garlanda said...

99 Red Balloons - the English or the German version?

8:37 PM

Blogger craig said...

English version. That's the one we had on an 80s collection CD. I tried to use as much music as we already owned as possible since I burned through $45 in iTunes gift certificates without even blinking.

6:31 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"a buddy from high school"...don't you mean to say "that asshole"? 'cause i'm assuming you mean the pear-shaped polack.

5:48 PM


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