ROAD MODE

Three things I learned from my children over Thanksgiving:

DON'T LET THEM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT

Nana and Pop-pop's house isn't exactly childproof. Exposed electrical outlets, an unshielded wood-burning stove and lots and lots of breakable things within reach. Lily managed to break two of the collectible ducks of her grandmother (Nana assures us they they aren't worth anything, which I hope is true, and not just her being a nice grandma) and Macey found a pen somewhere and scribbled all over the keys of the piano. This was particularly horrifying. Thankfully it all came off with some window cleaner and elbow grease.

DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY SAY

We went to a local park with one of these crazy wood crawl-all-over-it things. Five minutes after getting there, Lily announced that she had to go potty (even though she went 15 minutes before we left). The bathrooms at the park were locked, so I loaded her up and headed out to search for a public bathroom. I took a chance at the church across the street... but it was locked up tight. But, due to good luck or providence, the cleaning lady was there and she was nice enough to let us in. Lily sat on the potty and did nothing. We stayed in the bathroom for 10 minutes, just to make sure. Nothing.

ON SECOND THOUGHT, DO BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY SAY

The day after the park the entire family went out to dinner. As we were about to pull out, Lily again announces that she has to go potty. Being that the restaurant is only 15 minutes away, we tell her that she's going to have to hold it. "Can you hold it that long, honey?" The Scientist asks. "No, no I can't!" Lily answers. We'll, you're going to have to! I tell her. We start to move and Lily makes a horrible face. "Lily!" The Scientist shouts. "What are you doing?!" But it's too late. "I went." Lily tells us in a dejected voice. I stop and it's as bad as it could be: code brown, extra runny. "Well, honey," I say. "You tried to tell us. But we didn't believe you. Sorry about that."

Lily's diarrhea continued throughout the meal, and into the next day. We put her in a pull-up just to be safe for the ride home, but she didn't have any accidents. Her poop today is still on the soft side, but it's not uncontrollable, thank God.

These are the kinds of conversations you have when you have kids.

But, all in all, a very successful trip. We got to see the family, there were no big blow-ups (none that involved me or mine, at least) and I stuffed myself silly with good food.

And best of all, that is it for our holiday traveling this year. Anyone who wants to see us can come to Cleveland.

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